Saturday, May 31, 2008

The beach boardwalk speaks to me

Man have i been messed up the last couple days. First of all, I cried in front of my supervisor at work because she is my NEW supervisor and i stress the word because she is a new supervisor and i feel micromanaged. Next, I checked my online bank statement auto deposit on Friday and my paycheck was about $500 less than i was anticipating due to unforeseen circumstances (holidays and staying home to care for my sick baby on Brad's days to have her). Anywho, i started crying and couldn't stop. My brilliant little sister came with me on my errands assist me as she was worried when i couldn't stop crying. She suggested I read the part of the Big Book on the third step. And...acceptance is the key to all my problems today. then, the next day, i took avery on a stroll at the beach and pushed her while i roller skated. I looked over at the boardwalk wall and someone had written in big letters "Accept". Then, about 3 or 4 minutes later, i saw "Love" written on the wall. Lastly, before i took avery out of the stroller to push her on the swings, I saw "Goodness" written on the wall. It was just what I needed to be reminded of. so thank you to whoever validated my inner truth.

Sunday, May 25, 2008

i love my baby

i had such a stupendous time with Avery Boone this week. I had the tremendous pleasure of caring for my girl for six straight nights and five days. With the seperation, this is a huge feat seeing as "he" takes her three nights a week. When i put her shoes on this morning and told her to get ready because daddy was coming, she said "that's okay mama", probably just to reassure me because she is a brilliant girl and knows when her mom is disappointed. She's going places. My little girl is a star.

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

hi maeg

does negative energy count if it's on a blog?
love you

Monday, May 12, 2008

i'm so fucking pissed the fuck off

first of all my husband (soon to be ex) thinks it's ok to just walk into my apartment when i don't answer. What the fuck!? Next, the stupid religious freak in my neighborhood thinks it's cool to go BANGING down doors touting "the word" in the name of Jesus Christ waking up toddlers at naptime. What the Fuck!? Next my stupid husband thinks it's okay to blow up my home phone at 9:45pm while my toddler is sleeping because I told him it's none of his business if I go to a party on saturday for one hour. What the fuck!? Oh and then he decides to drive his diesel powered truck to my apartment and proceed to yell out from my front yard for me to come out to talk to him (while he's in a RAGE) at 9:50pm. Waht the FUCK?! And finally, some fuckin stupid retarded drunk assholes think it's cool to pull up to my door and proceed to attempt repeatedly to open my front door with their house keys. What the fuck!? at 2am on a sunday night!!! What the FUUUUUUUCK?! So i had a nightmare that I was Anna Nicole Smith and I checked into a hotel that was overrun with zillions of cockroaches. It was a stellar weekend. Fuckin Stellar!

Thursday, May 8, 2008


I'm starting to get attention and my biggest fear is coming to life. My addictive personality is rearing it's two faced head and charmingly lying it's way back into my life. I made amends to an old "friend" with whom I had a harmless brief fling with. Now my bottom line is all smeared because I am in the midst of a divorce but I am very much enjoying the quasi textsex we've been having. I've even tossed the idea in my head of getting together for a cuddle. The whole thing makes me nervous and my evil ways from the past are taunting me "you can't stay faithful in your marriage even if you have been separated for 6 months. You can't bear to be alone. Without anyone adoring you, you don't exist. You are pointless." Those fucking voices! That stupid committee in my head deciding my fate is driving me bananas and coconuts.