HyperCrush

this is for you maeg (cuz really no one else knows about this blog and i can't email straight to your home so I'd have to wait for you to see an email til you get to work mon. morn.). So, Friday i bought a ticket online to the Hypercrush and Millionaires show at the Knitting Factory (which i've never been to - hypercrush or knitting fact.) I really need to stop with the parentheses. i digress. so my little sister who is 20 and really doesn't know much about hollywood or the club scene since she has to go to all ages events, tells me that her best friend talked to one of the band members of Hypercrush and he said they would go on at 10pm. On the website, i protested, it says the doors open at 7 and Hypercrush's website says they are goin on at 7:30pm. whateves, Jessie says she's been to their shows 20 times and i should trust her. We leave in a caravan at 8:30 and arive about about 9:15. The doors are closed, the show is sold out (my sis and her friends did not pre order tix) and Hypercrush just finished playing. I had my mom sleep at my house to babysit my daughter and i missed out on putting her to bed. i was so bummed. but, everything happens for a reason i suppose so maybe if we had stayed till later, there would have been a tragedy. i don't know but what a BUST. good thing you didn't come maeg.

so...

What would you do if you weren't afraid?

My daddy

So my dad is a drummer and so is every other member of the paternal side of my fam (i guess besides uncle tim but he prolly did a little drumming in the younger years.) Anyhoo, there's my dad in the upper left corner in the back. So rockin, right? i was so angry growing up (there's me on the bottom right). I was the perpetual "victim". Luckily, i'm not anymore :-) i have made peace with my dad who has music in his blood and uses the drums as an anti-anxiety medication. I'm going to see him play tonight and i'm so proud of him. My mom, sister and I took a backseat to the drums while I was growing up but since I was about 18, my dad has been turning it around. He's there at every holiday. He shows up for me and gives cards and gifts even when he doesn't have the money. He does the best he can and he's a really Righteous drummer. (that's for you maeg ;-)

I am so done

Watch the thoughts. Thank God for opportunities. Remember that the water fill up station exists right down the street. No need to struggle. It hurts more to hold on than to let go. Pray for the right thought, action or intuition. Give waht you believe you have. Accept only what you believe you deserve. Love and acceptance. Love and acceptance. Love and acceptance. It is all as it should be. The lotus flower is unfolding just as it should, born fromt he murky waters of pain and darness. Transition, change and evolution are part of healthy life. It's not such a bad thing to be a gypsy if growth is inherent. Believe there is more to come. Ask for the will of the world, the strength and courage to face what comes and the inspiration to create. Be of service. Ask what can be done for the sick (mind-body-spirit). Release yourself of bondage of self. Never judge, lest you one day face such ill fate and be shown through adversity how hard decisions can be to make. Know you are good. Every single person is doing the best they possibly can at any given time. Watch the thoughts, release them in the wind. The ocean always remains. The sun always rises. Love always conquers all.

last night but then today

some stupid drunk girls woke me up banging on my door at 2am again last night. This is the second time since i've lived here and i'm mad as hell. mad as hell. i guess hell is mad. i digress. but the shocking thing is that i woke up this morning as planned and i prayed and meditated. I asked for courage to carry out my God's will for me and I visualized myself being free and not trapped or stagnant. I got some perspective but i have been able to stir up some pissy feelings about those drunk girls. I'm just going to wait and see if someone does it again and then i'm going to maybe call the police and ask how to handle it. I really don't know what to do and it interrupts my sleep. i don't want to cuss these peeps out and wake up my whole complex because they don't deserve to have a bad day too. i mean, why add more negativity. i prefer to pack goodness into the stream of life. On Friday, i was playing with sidewalk chalk with my little girl outside and I wrote some beautiful principles on the ground outside my apt. this morning when i opened the kitchen window, i could see the words "Tolerance", "Surrender" and "Acceptance". That helped me too. Today my depression is totally lifted and I don't know why but "mine is not to reason why, mine is just to do or die" --unknown